The term "coming out" (of the closet) refers to the life-long process of becoming aware of one's sexual orientation, accepting it and telling others about it. The development of a positive gay identity can be a long and difficult struggle for many gays and lesbians as they must confront many homophobic attitudes and discriminatory practices. For most gays and lesbians, significant decisions need to be made regarding "who to tell" and "when to tell."

 What Might Gays And Lesbians Be Afraid Of?

• Rejection; loss of relationships
• Being thrown out of the home and/or family
• Harassment and/or abuse
• Physical violence
• Losing their job and/or financial security
• Being forced to undergo psychotherapy
• Having their lover arrested

Why Might Gays and Lesbians Want to "Come Out"?

• To live honestly; to end the hiding game
• To feel closer to family and friends
• To be able to feel "whole" around others
• To stop wasting energy by hiding all of the time
• To feel a sense of integrity
• To make a statement that "gay is o.k."

How Might Gays And Lesbians Feel About Coming Out?

• Scared
• Vulnerable
• Relieved
• Proud
• Uncertain
• Stressed

How Might Someone Feel After Someone Gay Or Lesbian Comes Out To Them?

• Scared or uncomfortable
• Shocked or disbelieving
• Not sure what to say or do
• Angry
• Disgusted
• Supportive
• Flattered or honored

What Do Gays And Lesbians Want From The People They Come Out To?

• Acceptance
• Support
• Understanding, acknowledgment of their feelings
• Comfort
• Closer relationships
• That knowing won't negatively affect their friendship